


Why Do We Build the Wall (We Build the Wall to Keep Us Free)

by tingodvons



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Minor Angst, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 07:38:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4051798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tingodvons/pseuds/tingodvons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killua almost expects a few pieces of broken glass to fall from the sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Do We Build the Wall (We Build the Wall to Keep Us Free)

**Author's Note:**

> 1) more song title lyrics! from Hadestown "Why Do We Build the Wall"   
> 2) for yadi, the unrequited guru, who prompted me with unrequited kirugon ~2 months ago. sorry its so late  
> 3) im sorry but im not

At some point Killua vows to himself to never leave Gon’s side, and it turns out to be the worst decision he has made. 

One of their last nights in Greed Island, spent staring up at the stars, is the first indicator of that terrible decision. They seem to be breaths away from beating the game, inhales from fighting the Bomber and exhales from getting closer to Ging. They are so close that Killua can _taste_ it. And it tastes bittersweet. 

The night is cool around them, paste on a wound that has burned for too long. The serenity of the combination of the nature around them, with a soft hum of the harmony of birds and the leaves dancing together in the breeze, is like rain on a wildfire. It simmers it, but hardly puts it out.

“Gon,” Killua says quietly, careful not to fully break the silence.

Next to him in the grass, his hands folded behind his head like Killua himself, Gon says, “Yeah, Killua?” in the same quiet tone. Only a small noise, barely coating the silence. Gon is almost always loud, except in nature. Killua finds it nothing short of amazing.

“What are you gonna do after you find Ging?” 

Gon thinks for a moment. “I dunno. Start a new adventure, probably.” 

Killua feels the phrase _‘And I’ll be right there with you’_ build in his throat. He keeps his behind his teeth.

The stars practically twinkle in the sky above them.

“What are you going to do if you don’t find Ging?” 

Gon thinks for a much longer moment, and the question weighs much heavier in the air. Killua feels it build up in his lungs, like smoke. The wildfire ignites over the dry wood of insecurity. 

“That’s impossible,” Gon says with conviction. "I'll definitely find him. I’ll keep searching until I do!” His voice rises slightly at the end, and any calmness that was over them sustains a large crack. Killua almost expects a few pieces of broken glass to fall from the sky. 

Killua sits up slightly, back slightly sticky with dew, and looks down at Gon. He pays no mind to Killua, looking directly up at the stars with a determined look set on his face. Killua wants to lean down and kiss him—a small peck of the lips, nothing more. The idea is not foreign to him, but still strange in his mind. Any show of affection seems odd. 

When it comes down to it, he loves Gon. Gon is the only other world he knows, and he's the only other world he _wants_ to know. Gon who befriended him at the Hunter Exam. Gon who fought through Heaven's Arena with him. Gon who rescued Killua from his own _home_. 

“I'm gonna find Ging,” Gon says, “even if it kills me."

Gon who let Killua sacrifice his physical wellbeing to get closer to Ging.

Killua’s heart practically _aches_. More thoughts bubble in his mind, and more words are kept prisoner behind his teeth. Killua wants to ask _‘and what if it kills me?’_  

He doesn’t, though. Because he knows what the answer will be. And he knows that will definitely end him. 

Killua lays back down on the grass, feeling it fold under him. Gon’s only world is Ging. Killua may be the best friend, but there's no room for him up on that high pedestal. No room for Kilua fighting his family to stick with Gon. No room for Killua helping him get to Greed Island. He just hangs on for the ride. 

“Yeah,” Killua tells him, masking any emotion that could slip through his voice. "You will find him.”

The taste in his mouth is more bitter than sweet.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
